Here are the complete details of all roster moves made this week, along with the total transactions fees owed after week two by each franchise:

Tommy Gunn (formerly known as 170)
Pickup: Vinny Testaverde (QB, NYJ)
Drop: Ryan Leaf (QB, SD)
Total Fees after week 3: $0.50

Hogan's Heroes
Pickup: Neil O'Donnell (QB, Cin)
Drop: Scott Mitchell (QB, DET)
Total Fees after week 2: $0.50

The Wannabes
Pickup: Eric Zeier (QB, BAL)
Drop: James McKnight (WR, SEA)
Total Fees after week 2: $0.50

The Talentless Trolls on Parade
Pickup: Fred Taylor (RB, JAX), Morten Anderson (K, ATL)
Drop: Errict Rhett (RB, BAL), Adam Vinatieri (K, NE)
Total Fees after week 2: $1.50

Remember, the following teams have byes this week: Buffalo, Miami, New England, and New York Jets.
 

An exuberant John Kelly greeted the Electric Mayhem faithful at the Electric Mayhem headquarters last night.  "Stellar performance from our guys this week.  We finally were able to execute some points at wide receiver.  Michael Westbrook, what a game!  He's off the practice squad for sure now!"

John Elway had this to add: "I was ready to renter the game after my reinjury to help the Electric Mayhem along, but when it became apparent that we would pull it off, I got a call from Mr. Kelly.  He told me that I had done such a wonderful job for the team, that he was giving me the rest of the game off.  I'm still awaiting word if we'll need me this week or not."

Even new addition Randall Cunningham was excited about his new position with the team.  "I need to be traded soon, or I'll jump off a bridge."

Mr. Kelly has promised the team that in celebration of there victory, this week there will be no running before the dogs drill.  This was a drill particularly disliked by team, and perhaps explains the lack of Tight Ends on the team.  Mr. Kelly has even promised to reinstate the pre game McDonald's buffet.  "However, they better perform next week, or we'll be force feeding them some of them mexican pizzas from Taco Bell."  Mr. Kelly was heard to mumble as he walked away from the press conference.

Week Three of the RGCFFL season saw more inter-divisional play.  Things were a little more evenly matched this time however, as two Ray division teams avenged losses to Guy division foes suffered in week one.  A plague of injuries, foolish roster moves and the bye week translated into lower point totals across the league.  Hopefully this trend will be reversed next week when the 49ers return to the field.  In other news, the league announced this week that it has started an official web site.  The site, available at www.pclink.com/kskopp/RGCFFL/RGCFFL_Homepage.html provides online access to the official league rules and schedule as well as current team rosters and standings.  Plans to expand it include the addition of game results and transaction archives.

    The Mindless Marvels  44
    In Denial    38
The Marvels posted their first win of the season, despite not fielding a defense, thanks in part to Gary Anderson's 5 field goals and some savvy lineup tweaking by owner Tony Anton (substituting Robert Edwards for Karim Abdul Jabbar).

    Tommy Gunn   42
    Hogan's Heroes   11
Tommy Gunn remains unbeaten - the only undefeated team in the league after three weeks of play - and a top the Guy division.  Hogan's Heroes, with owner Jim Hogan on sabbatical up north, were anything but heroic, failing to generate any semblance of an offense after both starting runningbacks went down in the first quarter of their games.  The 11 points put up by the Heroes may be a new league record low - league archivists are still looking into the records for a lower point total.

    Talentless Trolls on Parade  53
    Brunell's Bruisers   57
The Bruiser's held off a furious rally by the Trolls to vault to the top of the Ray division.  Despite being without top scorers Steve Young and Garrison Hearst, the Trolls were nearly able to overcome disappointing performances by their top two wide receivers, falling short when the hapless Giants were unable to get the ball to Chris Calloway in the end zone during their thrashing by the Cowboys on Monday night.  The Bruisers received strong performances at several key positions, including newly acquired receiver Wayne Chrebet, who managed to score 7 points before being injured.

  The Wannabes   31
  The Electric Mayhem  38
The expansion Mayhem won their first game this week, perhaps in response to some rather brutal roster moves by owner John Kelly, who was seen pacing the sidelines on Sunday with two of his favorite well fed dogs.  The win moves the Mayhem into third place in the Ray division while the Wannabe's fall to last place in the Guy division.

Here are the standings after week 3's games:

Tommy Gunn                                     3-0-0, Pnts Scored: 187, Pnts Allowed: 120
Talentless Trolls on Parade                2-1-0, Pnts Scored: 172, Pnts Allowed: 144
Brunell's Bruisers                                2-1-0, Pnts Scored: 162, Pnts Allowed: 170
The Mindless Marvels                        1-2-0, Pnts Scored: 159, Pnts Allowed: 166
The Wannabes                                   1-2-0, Pnts Scored: 141, Pnts Allowed: 158
In Denial                                              1-2-0, Pnts Scored: 136, Pnts Allowed: 163
The Electric Mayhem                        1-2-0, Pnts Scored: 132, Pnts Allowed: 135
Hogan's Heroes                                 1-2-0, Pnts Scored: 113, Pnts Allowed: 146

Remember, Free Agent pickups go in the reverse order of these standings.
 

It was incorrectly reported in this space yesterday that Brunell's Bruisers were releasing runningback 
Fred Lane of Carolina in order to pick up Wayne Chrebet of the New York Jets.  This is not true.  The Bruisers actually have released rookie runningback Fred Taylor of the Jacksonville Jaquars.  So when trying to recruit ex-Bruiser personnel, please be sure to contact the right Fred.  (They ain't called the Bruisers just for their on-field demeanor, believe us, we have the black eyes to prove it...)

In conclusion, the Bruisers dropped Fred Taylor, NOT Fred Lane.  We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused to league owners and will submit to thirty lashes with a wet noodle as punishment.
 

Fred Lane was not dropped by Brunell's Bruisers, so all you vulture owners can just quit calling him. He still works for us, it's just his southern buddy Fred Taylor who left our employment.

We blame the media for the mixup, as they caught Fred Lane with an intern at training camp and just won't let the story die. All he did was show her his Heismann (oops, I guess it was someone else's, since he didn't win one).

In Denial
Pickup: Darnay Scott (WR, Cin)
Drop: Ben "Technicolor Dream" Coates (TE, NE)
Total Fees after week 2: $1.00

Electric Mayhem
Pickup: Randall Cunningham (QB, Min)
Drop: Frank Sanders (WR, Ariz)
Total Fees after week 2: $0.50

The Wannabes
Pickup: Greg Hill (RB, StL)
Drop: Robert Holcombe (RB, StL)
Total Fees after Week 2: $0.50

Brunell's Bruisers
Pickup: Glen Foley (QB, NYJ); Wayne Chrebet (WR, NYJ)
Drop: Thurman "Thermal" Thomas (RB, Buf); Fred Lane (RB, Car)
Total Fees after week 2: $1.00

Talentless Trolls on Parade
Pickup: Seattle (D/ST)
Drop: San Diego (D/ST)
Total fees after week 2: $0.50

Remember - this week is a bye week.  Choose your lineups wisely.

Jake Reed has plead for his life, insisting that his recent problems are the result of a long repressed mourning for the King of Rock and Roll, Elvis Presley.  “Now that I’ve come to terms with the death of Elvis, I can go back to focusing on football” Reed announced at an Electric Mayhem press conference.

“We have always been a team of understanding.  We’re one big family.” Remarked EM manager, John Kelly.  “Course, my dogs were hungry, so we fed Frank Sanders to them.  As a result, Mr. Sanders will no longer appear wearing an Electric Mayhem jersey.”

Also, it would appear that the Electric Mayhem has made a bribe of 50 cents to the Randall Cunningham’s agent and have thus acquired the rights to the Viking’s starting QB.  Mr. Cunningham was unable to comment on the phone, but could be overhear weeping loudly in the background.
 

Week two of the Ray Guy Commemorative Fantasy Football league was marked by some classic division grudge matches.  It may be early in the season, but jockeying for the divisional titles has already begun. 
 
 
 

    Hogan's Heroes  37 
    In Denial   50 

In a battle of ex-roommates,   In Denial won easily over Hogan's Heroes, who were less than heroic this week.  Turning in a zero point performance, Terance Mathis looked more like Johnny Mathis, but on the bright side, Cris Carter managed to bring eight points to the Heroes cause.  Of course, Carter has a sprained ankle--so much for the bright side.

    170    63 
    The Mindless Marvels 61 

The Marvels and the 170's put up some impressive numbers again this week, with the 170's (who by the way have been renamed, "Tommy Gunn") squeaking by with a two point victory.  The two primary running backs for these teams put up 26 (B. Sanders) and 25 (T. Davis) points respectively, thus, essentially canceling each other out.   While we are delighted that your players, showed such skill and determination last week, we sincerely hope that they never play that well again, especially against the Trolls.  Wishful thinking, we know, but we all need to have dreams.

    The Electric Mayhem 46 
    Brunell's Bruisers  50 

Wow.  Another close one.  The Mayhem showed great promise this week with the defense, kicker and quarterback combining for 30 points.  Unfortunately, the remaining 5 players combined for only 16 points.  The Bruisers scored consistently through it's line-up with Napoleon Kaufman (11pts.) and Isaac Bruce (14pts.) having particularly good games. 

    The Wannabes  39 
    Talentless Trolls on Parade 65 

Once again the Trolls got off to a slow start on Sunday.  Fortunately, the 49ers were playing Monday night against what might as well have been the De La Salle High School football team.  Steve Young and Garrison Hearst combined for 32 points putting the Trolls way in front of the Wannabes.  The Wannabes put up good numbers everywhere but at the receiving core which accounted for only 5 points this week.  Even with the loss, the Wannabes are in third place after the second week of action.
 

Here are the official Ray Guy Commemorative League standings after week 2's games:

170                                                       2-0-0, Pnts Scored: 145, Pnts Allowed: 109
Talentless Trolls on Parade                2-0-0, Pnts Scored: 119, Pnts Allowed: 87
The Wannabes                                   1-1-0, Pnts Scored: 110, Pnts Allowed: 120
Brunell's Bruisers                                 1-1-0, Pnts Scored: 104, Pnts Allowed: 115
Hogan's Heroes                                  1-1-0, Pnts Scored: 102, Pnts Allowed: 104
In Denial                                               1-1-0, Pnts Scored: 98, Pnts Allowed: 119
The Mindless Marvels                       0-2-0, Pnts Scored: 115, Pnts Allowed: 128
The Electric Mayhem                        0-2-0, Pnts Scored: 92, Pnts Allowed: 103

Remember, Free Agent pickups go in the reverse order of these standings.

After another humiliating defeat, Owner/Manager John Kelly of the Electric Mayhem had Jake Reed shot as punishment for his sub par performance thus far this season.  Kelly explained it this way; "Jake has just been horrible this season.  3 yards in week one and 13 in week two?!?  I thought the team probably needed a wake up call so I had him shot. It's not lethal of course, we paid good money for this guy.  He'll keep Jake for now, but he is going to be moved to the practice squad, and if he can't show improvement, I'll feed him to my dogs."

The Electric Mayhem went through some subdued workouts yesterday as Micheal Westbrook warmed up for the practice squad and came through with a 109yard receiving day.  Kelly was overheard hinting that Westbrook might get the nod next week.  "That guy is going to make Jake take my dogs for a walk..."

The front office made good on it's threat to have opposing scouts dipped in honey and covered with ants, when they caught some scouts from the In Denial team talking to Gordan Way, a running back for the EM.

On a related front, the EM front office is interested in acquiring the rights to Randall Cunningham.  Cunningham, when asked about playing for the Electric Mayhem, said "MY GOD NO!!"  Then he ran off, but was overheard to mumble "i gotta call my agent now..."  If there are no teams behind the Electric Mayhem in the standings, then it looks like the EM will be making a move to become more competitive by bringing on a strong backup to John Elway.

This weekend marked the opening of the second season of the Ray Guy Commemorative Fantasy Football League.  In what has become a tradition of sorts in the league, opening weekend featured some inter-divisional clashes.  This years opening day games were dominated by the Guy Division, whose teams posted two of the highest point totals ever seen in league play in route to winning 3 of 4 from their Ray division rivals.  Only Hogan's Heroes, led by Kordell Stewart's two touchdowns, kept the weekend from being a clean sweep for the Guy division teams.  The carnage is tallied below:

170     82 
In Denial    48 
170 looks like they may actually live up to their name - at least based on a single game's performance.  If they keep scoring points at this pace, its doubtful any team in the leaguer will be able to stay with them.  In Denial on the other hand continues to struggle, despite a new co-owner, a new name, and a better draft position.  On the bright side, though, they did put a respectable number of points on the board...

Hogan's Heroes   65 
The Mindless Marvels   54 
Hogan's Heroes outlasted the Mindless Marvels in a slugfest - preventing the Ray division from being completely humiliated during the first week.  Miranda Kopp, co-owner of the Marvels was quick to point out however, that they got a sub-par performance from running back Barry Sanders (only 70 yds rushing with no TDs).  What she planned to do to remedy the situation remains to be seen.

The Wannabes    71 
Brunell's Bruisers   55 
The Guy Division looks to be stacked with offensive talent.  The Wannabe's return for their second season, beginning with a punishing victory over the renamed Bruiser's.  Scott Kopp, owner of the Wannabe's credits his defense and special teams with the victory, and rightly so - their 17 points to the 3 scored by the Bruiser's D provided the margin of victory.

Talentless Trolls on Parade  54 
The Electric Mayhem   48 
The Trolls began their title defense unimpressively by barely beating the expansion Mayhem.  If not for a remarkable 96 yard TD run in OT by 49ers RB Garrison Hearst, the Trolls' faithful would be cursing their draft selection and their owners' apparent lack of focus.  The Mayhem, down nine going into Monday night, nearly pulled off the upset, led by an inspired John Elway and some crappy kicking by Pat's kicker Vinatieri.  Elway, fearing his owner's threats of having to bunk with "The Criminal" (a.k.a. Michael Irvin) did his best to even the score, coming up a mere 6 points short.

Here are the official Ray Guy Commemorative League standings after week 1's games:

170                                                    1-0-0, Pnts Scored: 82, Pnts Allowed: 48
The Wannabes                                1-0-0, Pnts Scored: 71, Pnts Allowed: 55
Hogan's Heroes                             1-0-0, Pnts Scored: 65, Pnts Allowed: 54
Talentless Trolls on Parade             1-0-0, Pnts Scored: 54, Pnts Allowed: 48
Brunell's Bruisers                                0-1-0, Pnts Scored: 56, Pnts Allowed: 71
The Mindless Marvels                       0-1-0, Pnts Scored: 54, Pnts Allowed: 65
The Electric Mayhem                        0-1-0, Pnts Scored: 48, Pnts Allowed: 54
In Denial                                              0-1-0, Pnts Scored: 48, Pnts Allowed: 82

Remember, Free Agent pickups go in the reverse order of these standings.  All transactions for this week must be requested by 6 PM on Thursday, September 10.

In the season's opening game, team manager John Kelly looks to get performance from his amazing crew of misfits.  Before the players took the field this afternoon, Mr. Kelly spoke to them at a pre-game buffet sponsored by McDonald's.

"Today is the first game for this expansion francise and it will be a game that will be remembered by our fans for a long time.  So if you don't play well today, the next pre-game buffet will be sponsored by white castle."

Starting today for the Electric Mayhem will be:

QB: J.Elway,    Denver Broncos
RB1: C. Martin,    NewYork Jets
RB2: L.Smith,    NewOrleans Saints
WR1: J.Smith,     Jacksonville Jaguars
WR2: M.Irvin("the criminal")  Dallas Cowboys
WR3: J.Reed    Minnesota Vikings
Defense/Special Teams:   Tampa Bay Buccaneers
K: Mr. Delgraco   Tennessee Oilers

Mr. Kelly also warned the players that failure to perform would be bunking next week with Michael Irving (who would be off the Ritalin.)